summer is so close!
so here i am 2 in the morning, i wonder why it is that i can never seem to really get going on my homework until the middle of the night...though i'm not really doing much work now. I am ever so happy that it is almost summer! Which means no papers, no studying, no gross caf. food, no dorm rooms! It means old friends, family, fun, work, good things, a much needed/desired break! I am sooo ready!!! A mere 3 papers, 3 mini papers, 1 project, 4 quizzes, 5 finals, and a million years of studying stand between me and the finish line of my freshman year!! I believe in myself i can do it yay! This year has gone by sooo dang fast, I know everyone says so but really you can't know until you've experienced it for yourself. First quarter i almost died, seriously....But about 1/2 way through 2nd it slowly got better, and now...piece of cake, i so can survive. 3 more years, that's nothing. I have no idea why I am so optimistic, it's really weird! It must be because it's so early/late. Seriously it does weird things to people, apparently i get happier. I don't think this is a normal occurence though. A miracle has happened! I finished my philosophy the day before it had to be done! This is probably the 2nd and only time this will happen. So i'm a little worried about summer actually. I need to find a job!!!! I am so determined to actually do something this summer, every day. As opposed to my normal nothingness. I want to go rockclimbing, take the glare off my stunningly white legs, join a gym (that's one thing i'll miss about college no free gym), see my best friend who i never see anymore, hang with my brother, finish this blanket that i've been making for almost a year now, do something worthwhile...yeah, ok i really need to study
just my thoughts
Sometimes pain is so beautiful(not physical pain). It lets me know I'm alive, that I'm human, have feelings, and am capable of more than just apathy. It's also beautiful because it is not all bad, what you do with it is what could bring something good out of it. Sometimes though it really gets to be too much. It's times like those when I need to constantly pray and consciously choose my attitude. I figure that it is such a waste of life to be unhappy! So yeah, I haven't been feeling to good lately. I've been pouring all my energy into anti-depressiveness, but you can't be happy all the time I guess. It's just a part of life. It seems like whenever I need God most is when he comes and saves me, he always pulls me through, always. I'm prone to depression so this happens quite a bit, but I have chosen to be happy and am slowly making progress. I've been so lonely lately, like really lonely and my horrid social skills don't help one bit (social skills = zero). I really am not quite sure what to do about this. Argh! Classes have me so frustrated! Biology is kicking my butt, but that may be my own fault. I'm not getting as good of grades as I should/could be, motivation is hard to come by these days. But I'll survive! Ok, something I've been wondering lately. Optimisim, hopefulness, and the whole "i think i can" attitude are good things right? Is there a point when your just hurting yourself by continueing with this attitude? A point when you really do need to give up? Cuz on one hand we should never give up striving for our goals/dreams whatever, then on the other if it really is totally hopeless then what's the point? Isn't it just unnecessary hurtage? I have come to the conclusion that I think waaaaaay too much. Yummm, i'm eating cheerios. They taste pretty good when you're a starving college student and the caf is closed. Not that the caf would be much better... hasta luego
